Turn Me On, Dib Man...
by I'm with stupid
Summary: Ever heard of the Paul Is Dead story? You must've unless you've been living under a rock for the past 40 years. Anyway, this is a parody/dossier/report on that. By the way, there's some really blatant Zim/Gaz stuff here. And cursing. Lotsa cursing. Please


Turn Me On, Dib Man: The Dib is Dead Story

Natsu-notes: OK, last term we did a history assignment on urban legends. I picked the Paul Is Dead story. ((Hey, they don't call me Glass Onion for nothing!)) Anyone who's an overly obsessive Dib fan-girl,((It's pointless, you do realise. Dib is MINE and MINE ALONE! HAHAHAHAHA!!)), or has heard the Paul Is Dead story will probably find this rather funny. It's presented in a report form, I hope that doesn't make it too confusing.

((WARNING: Really blatant Zim/Gaz stuff here...sorry, but I think just they're so cute together! **Rests her head in her hands a la Tomoyo** Oh, and remember, their behind-the-scenes characters needn't reflect what we see on TV, you know. Unwritten law states that each fic has a maximum of 5 plot holes or plot conveniences. I'm only using 2.:p ))

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Introduction

In 2001, Dib Membrane was hired by cult comic artist Jhonen Vasquez to co-star in the new show, Invader Zim. He was an instant hit with the girls. 3 weeks after the series started airing, Dib had already bought a Playboy-esque mansion. But, with fame always come rumour. According to rumour, in May 2001, Dib was killed in a car accident. The directors had his role played by a look-alike named Eriol Hiiragazawa for the remainder of the series. But the other cast members were emotionally shattered and wanted the public to know the truth, so they hid little clues throughout the series. Despite the fact and Zim, Gaz and GIR said themselves that this was complete bullshit, and that unfortunately, Dib was alive and well, fans still managed to find the most obscures "clues".

Now the complete story can be told.

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Part 1: Talking To The Cast

After months of seemingly endless searching, I _finally_ managed to con the stars of Invader Zim to let me talk to them about this.

INTERVIEW 1: Zim ((there's a bit of warm-and-fuzzy-feeling romance in this bit. :D))

Natsumi Kobayakawa: Zim, could you please state your name for the record?

Zim: Invader Zim, LORD OF YOU FILTHY EASTERN-EARTH MONKIES!

NK: This conversation is being taped and will be transcribed at a later date. You consent?

IZ: Yeah, sure. whatever.

NK: Zim, I want you tell me the truth about this. Is Dib dead?

IZ: **laughs** Oh, you wish! He's still alive, and bugging the shit outta everyone around him.

NK: Okay. What do you have to say about the so-called evidence in the series?

IZ: Evidence?! What the fuck?! We don't write the scripts. We just say the lines and then Jhonen pays us shitloads of money. We don't design the props in the background. we just say the fuckin' lines. 

NK: But what about...

IZ: Look, I've had enough of you and your indecipherable Japanese accent. Be gone with you, human scum!! Get out of my trailer!!

((There's the sound of someone knocking on the door and letting themselves in. Surprise, Surprise, it's Gaz.))

Gaz: Zim I'm here...wait...who's she?! ((referring to me))

IZ: Um, just some reporter girl but...

((sound of Zim being bitch slapped across the face))

Gaz: You've been two-timing me!!

NK: Um...I think I'd best be off now...

IZ: Gaz, I swear, she's just some...

Gaz: Manipulator!! You never did love me!!

IZ: But I do!!

Gaz: Then say it!

IZ: What?

Gaz: SAY YOU LOVE ME!!

IZ: **whinges** Not while the reporter's here....

Gaz: **Say it!!**

IZ: **sigh** Fine...I love you, Gaz, and I always will.

Gaz:...Really?

IZ: Really, really.

**seeing as this was an audio tape, I couldn't tape the utterly adorable embrace they shared after this.**

NK: Aawww...that's a Kodak moment if there ever was one!

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After that, I was hustled out of their trailer and the courts now say I'm not allowed within 6 ft of anyone on Invader Zim. Sooo....I called in favour of my old friend, Some Jerk From Australia(Kat), and so she went off to talk GIR.

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Interview 2: GIR

Katharina Byron: Could you please state your name for the record?

GIR: G'daaaay!!!!

KB: Ok, could you please just say "GIR" and "I Consent?"

GIR: Piggies!!

KB: **sigh** Close enough. Now GIR, what do you remember most about Dib?

GIR: He had BIIIIG head!

KB: No, I mean what was he like?

GIR: Umm...he was mean to master sometimes.

KB: You mean Zim?

GIR: Uh-huh. 

KB: What else?

GIR: Ummm....Hey, look! There's a squirrel on your head!

KB: That's my hair. It's a ponytail, not a squirrel.

GIR: Oohhhh....can I see? **jumps at Kat's head and tries to pull her hair out, but get stuck magnetically to the steel plate in her skull**

KB: ACK!! It's stuck to my brain! GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF MEEE!! AAAIIIEEE!!!!

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When Kat got back from this interview, I noticed she had a strange schizophrenic kinda look in her eyes and she was twitching more than usual. She also refused to talk about the experience.

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END PAGE 1 OF INTERVIEWS.

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Notes: Whew! That was fun! I had some help from Kat for writing the GIR interview. 

I hope you thought this funny, 'cos I sure loved writin' it! And a note to my GundamW-Sheep fans, I'm officially releasing 1 chapter per month from now on, 'kay? Because I wanna start work on some other series. ((namely one I've had in my brain for a while, Monty Python...sheep style! And an Invader Zim version of The Life of Brian...that'd be too funny! :D))

And now for something completely different. The disclaimer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~DISCLAIMER~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mr. Gumby: Natsu! Mi! Doesn't ! Own! Any! Thing!  



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